Why Avatar is Not Actually as Good as Everyone Thinks

Due to popular demand (Chris Adam told me to) I will now explain why I disliked Avatar even more than I disliked Inception.

Overhyped does not begin to describe the ridiculous amounts of advertising used in the promotion of this film. This meant the film had begun to irritate me before I had even seen it. I was informed, by an advert of some kind, that this was going to be the future of cinema. This is a lie. Avatar was never going to be the future of cinema. Yes its 3D, but it still needs to actually be good; it needs an interesting plot, believable characterisation, maybe some twists and turns in the tale.. Avatar has none of the above. It’s a film about smurfs with sex appeal.

There was a big fuss made over the fact that this was the most expensive film, ever. I don’t like when this is mentioned a lot before the release of a film. I am not really concerned with how expensive the film is, all I want to know is whether or not it is good. This one isn’t, thus the need for emphasis on cost I presume. I began to wonder if it was actually the aggressive marketing campaign which had made the film the most expensive one, ever.

The main problem I had with Avatar was that this film has already been made. In fact I saw it as a child, only then it was called Pocohontas. If you have not had the pleasure of this disney delight let me summarise the plot for you. Dashing Englishman, John Smith, goes to faraway land in order to plunder gold and such like from Native America. Natives are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their gold. Smith meets sexy lady in skimpy native type attire, Pocohontas, who takes him under her wing. They fall in love. Together they fight adversity and make the world a better place. Then John gets shot and goes home.

In Avatar US military folk go to Pandora in order to plunder a raw material imaginatively entitled Unobtainium. Na’vi are a bit unfriendly, want to keep their special tree. Dashing American, Jake Sully, is sent to gather information on the natives. In an unexpected twist Sully falls in love with the sexy smurfette, Neytiri, who takes him under her wing. Neytiri is also in a skimpy version of the native attire. She looks like a 12ft blue Lara Croft. They fall in love. Together they fight against the US Military. (At this point some wildlife get involved). The blue people win. (This is because together they are successful in fighting adversity to make the world a better place.) Then Sully turns blue and they all live happily ever after.

Together We Can Fight Adversity!! Hooray!

Avatar = Pocohontas. The only difference is Cameron has given Avatar a more disney friendly ending. It’s all so sickly sweet I’m surprised more people didn’t vomit popcorn all over the Odeon. Although, I presume the failure of the US Military to obtain the unobtainium would have had quite bad effects for us ‘Sky People’, because I was reliably informed that the Earth was dying near the start of this two and a half hour marathon of cheese. Cameron has made the Americans mean in this film, so we will side with the Smurfs, and be pleased with the ending. However, I live on Earth so I would probably rather that the Earth didn’t die. Has Cameron forgotten that the vast majority of his audience will be living on Earth? Maybe he is confident that most people will have forgotten about this bit by the end of the film, distracted somewhere in the middle by all the bright colours and bizarre scenery of an LSD trip.

I am finding it hard to think of anything good to say about Avatar. With Inception I could see glimmers of a good film lurking beneath the bits I hated which enabled me to, sort of, comprehend the rave reviews. With Avatar I am still none the wiser as to what all the fuss was about. The graphics are pretty I suppose but I stopped being impressed by brightly coloured people around the age of six, when my interest in cartoons dwindled. Take out the special effects and CGI rubbish and what you’re left with is a script with all the imagination of a teaspoon. If this is the future of cinema I fear I may have to start spending my orange wednesdays at home.

From Alexandra

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