Take Me Out

Now I don’t mean to alarm you, but if you’ve got plans tonight CANCEL THEM IMMEDIATELY. 

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Paddy McGuinness is back. His harem of Lambrini-loving ladies is back. And the sleazy, utterly unlovable rogues whose talents culminate in their collective ability to eat crisps whilst simultaneously wearing hats and looking like turds? ALSO BACK.

Yes, tonight’s the night that Take Me Out returns to our screens. Paddy will be cuddling men who are single and should remain so, he’ll be making bizarre pairings out of things with no relevance to each other, he’ll shout FERNANDO’S so many times that half the country’s schoolchildren will start to think it’s a real place, and then he’ll smile and nod politely as the Lambrini-ladies spout disturbingly crude innuendos straight out of their mouth-holes and all over your tely, causing you to spit out your saturday night take-away and jump straight into the shower, so filthy and rude will you feel.

"I WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR IT AS A NAUGHTY HAT," She shrieks, her manic grin frightening even the bravest of suitors.
“I WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR SKIN AND WEAR IT AS A NAUGHTY HAT,” She shrieks, her manic grin frightening even the bravest of suitors.

Oh yes, we’re in for a treat. Let the SQUID see the PIG’S TROTTERS. Or something.

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