Hashtags are, on the whole, a good idea. They enable you to separate the shit from the nonsense. You can use tweetdeck, stick in all the hashtags that cause the red mist to descend around you and the voices to start chirping up about that almighty killing spree you’ve been planning together, and boom – they’re gone.
No longer do you have to see pictures of wanky peoples dinners (#nom), consider the poorly researched opinions of the utterly ridiculous (#justsaying), waste moments of your life viewing disturbing close-up pictures of strangers’ faces through blurred Instagram filters (#selfie), or without a filter, which for some reason needs a hashtag all of its own (#nofilter).
Take a look at the trending hashtags on Twitter, on any day in any country, though, and it’s a whole nother story. They’ll fill you with despair. They’ll make you worried for the future of humanity. Look at them too long and you’ll likely find yourself considering the best possible escape route.
The 10 hashtags of Twitter are there to confirm what we all knew really – the internet is full of dicks.
Oh piss off.
Accompanied by hilarious jokes about how ladies’ feet are smaller so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink, and so on. LOLZ.
3. A combination of the above
4. About Justin Bieber
To be tweeted alongside some of this baby-faced man-child’s poorly written lyrics, usually by psychotic teenage girls who have managed to get a hold on their Bieber-fuelled hysteria for five minutes, which is all the time they need to fill twitter with total bullshit.
5. Asking famous people things
Actually this one’s quite funny.
6. Just the words ‘Katie Hopkins’
Enough to turn the strongest of stomachs into quivering vomit factories.
7. Promoted corporate fodder that no one even tweeted in the first place
Probably by Nike, aggressively suggesting you might like to get off your ass and do some running about, or someone saying you can have a free lunch even though you CAN’T because THERE’S NO SUCH THING WE ALL KNOW THAT.
9. One Direction related
Niall’s cat has had a bath. Liam has been sighted wearing no hat, or wearing a hat, or carrying a hat in his hands. HARRY STYLES HAS GOT A NEW COAT.
10. Condolences for a death which is yet to happen
RIP Will Ferrel, or Beyonce, or whoever else Twitter decides to kill off that day. Must be awful being famous, never knowing if you’re really dead or just Twitter dead.