Despite what its name might suggest, Supersize vs Superskinny is sadly not a televised fight to the death featuring one fat and one thin gladiator. It is, in fact, an even odder sort of programme in which two people with astoundingly terrible diets swap terrible diets, and then spend some time crying in an immaculate white house.
There are lessons to be learned from it, however. Lessons which must be learned.
Lesson 1: If you are fat Dr Christian will like you better, and send you off on an all-expenses paid trip to the US of A. There you can indulge in SWIMMING POOLS OF FRUIT LOOPS with the new plump pen pall this dubious doctor has arranged for you. If you are thin you will stay at home.
Lesson 2: If you make the effort to compile the amount of bread a large person eats in one year you can sometimes build a bread-house and fill it with loaves of bread, a triumph of engineering the like of which is rarely seen. Then you can show it to the larger person and they will pretend they feel ASHAMED but actually they just feel IMPRESSED.
Lesson 3: If you put what one person eats in an entire week into a giant plastic tube it looks pretty grim, and demonstrates nothing.
Lesson 4: When fat and thin people meet they like to compare arm sizes, and then hug.
Lesson 5: Regardless of whether you are fat or thin you face the very real threat that one day you may be forced to appear on national television wearing nothing but BEIGE underwear.
Missed the last episode? Catch up here. You should, it’s a real treat. The bread house especially. They used baguettes for gutters. Quite brilliant.