It’s pancake day today, so because of something to do with shroves and Easter bunnies tonight’s dinner will be replaced by a special hysterical breakfast of fried-food, gallons of nutella and a smattering of artificial lemon juice. It’s the best day ever, is it not? It is. Here are 5 reasons why. Defy me at your peril.
- TOPPINGS. So many toppings. Peanut butter and CHOCOLATE and marshmallows and SPRINKLES and BACON. Ok maybe not bacon. Bacon’s a bit weird.
- Pancake flipping. The national sport that never was. Try a flip later, and watch as you combust with excitement when the pancake lands, half mangled, onto the side of your frying pan. You’ll never see such jubilation again, I promise you that.
- LENT. Pancake day is officially the start of lent, which is when we all have to give up chocolate because JESUS WANTS US TO. A perfect chance to rebel against society. Jesus doesn’t give a toss whether you eat chocolate or not anyway. Move on with your life.
- CALORIES. They do not EXIST on pancake day. Watch as the masses hurl KILOS of sugar in the vague direction of their gobs. LOOK at them as they SMOTHER themselves in gloopy golden syrup. And REJOICE! There’ll be no calories here today.
- DINNER IS BREAKFAST. Why isn’t dinner always breakfast, when it causes such JOY? Could there ever be a time when dinner was breakfast? Is it possible? It might be.