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Club Review: Fabric, Charterhouse Street

Fabric is, without a doubt, the best club in London. Probably the best thing in London, come to think of it. Buckingham Palace has got nothing on this place.

 

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What’s It Like? 

It’s one of the capital’s most famous nightclubs, located rather bizarrely in a big old meatpacking warehouse. Once you’ve safely manoeuvred the queues and survived a short groping session by their rather over-friendly security staff you’ll find yourself within a gargantuan maze of depravity, filled to the brim with the most ‘cheerful’ people in town.

 

Who Goes? 

The Fabric crowd can be quickly summarised in six handy bullet points:

 

The Ones That Are Off Their Heads

They’re dancing on the stage. They think it’s ok to take their t-shirts off and rub strangers in their icky sweat. They’ll never make it out alive.

 

The Sunglasses Indoors Lot 

They’ve got Ray-Bans on. Can they actually see anything? We may never know.

 

The Confused Tourists

They’ll be huddled together like penguins, valiantly attempting to enjoy a night out in this bizarre city where people wear sunglasses indoors.

 

The Stiletto Girls

They’re the ones tottering about in 4-inch heels, a look of abject misery etched across their faces. They didn’t know what Fabric was. They want to go home.

 

The Suits 

They’ve been for a few drinks after work and ended up in Fabric. In their suits. Their wives are furious.

 

The Old Folk 

They’ll be old, like bus pass old, but they’ll be going for it. Usually to be found in the midst of the crowd, constantly being congratulated by the people of Category One.

 

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Will I Find Love?

Absolutely not. No way. But you will find a million new best friends. You might even hug them.

 

Fun Fact: 

Fabric’s toilets are unisex. Which is weird. You have to know which side to go to. It’s like playing Russian Roulette. I went the wrong way once. I still can’t talk about it.

 

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Should I Go? 

Yes yes YES. It’s brilliant. Like Disneyland for the inebriated. But don’t wear stilettos for god’s sake.

 

10/10 – do it.

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