Five Reasons Never to go to Elephant and Castle

There are some places in London you should never, ever go to. And one which lies about having elephants and/or castles should definitely be high up on that list.

This nightmarish mishmash of roundabouts, subways and gloom has been plonked right in the middle of London but is studiously avoided by most, who are wisely untrusting of its intentions.

 

Here are five reasons never to go to Elephant and Castle:

 

 

1. The Ungodly Smell

Take a short tour around this marvellous web of roundabouts and you may notice a certain whiff. “What is it?” You will wonder to yourself as you gallantly attempt to negotiate a tangled web of pedestrian crossings which can only have been designed as some sort of macabre death game. It is the smell of hopelessness. Of sighs. Of depravity. And also of fried chicken.

 

 

2. The Strata Tower

One bedroom flats in this monstrous thing go for 800k, which is pretty good going for a giant tower voted Britain’s ugliest new building. It’s won a Carbuncle Cup and everything. People nominated it for its ‘plain visual grotesqueness’ and ‘Philishave stylings’. One person even moved out of the area because the sight of it made him FEEL ILL.

 

 

3. The Frighteners

Regeneration is big news in Elephant and Castle at the moment. Planners and developers are enthusiastically trying to wipe out the area’s current inhabitants to make way for a better breed of cappuccino-drinking suits. But they haven’t quite succeeded, as is evident from the continued presence of a troop of people we shall call ‘the frighteners’. These terrible beings lurk in alleyways, gulping on cans of lukewarm white lightning, staring. One chased me the other day. It was 8:30am.

 

 

4. The Subway

Have you ever tried to negotiate a spaghetti junction many miles beneath the ground in near pitch-darkness with only a foul smell and a vague, often completely wrong sign to guide your way?

 

If not you must head to Elephant, and fast. This subway is like a magical puzzle game made of fun. There are around 85 tunnels, they all look completely identical and half of them aren’t even joined on to the other ones so sometimes its entirely IMPOSSIBLE to find your way out of there alive.

 

Bring flares.

 

 

5. The Shopping Centre

 

 

A shopping precinct so ugly that many cannot bear to look upon it, this hot-pink monstrosity has repeatedly won awards for its sheer shitness. Within it are a handful of shops you’d never want to go into, and also a Tesco where the shelves are completely bare, which is just as well because the shop assistants are too distraught to serve anyone anyway.

 

Its neighbours are roundabouts. It’s been known to reduce grown men to tears. At night the whole area is filled with the spine-tingling sounds of its shrieks. But don’t worry, someone bought it last year for £80m and they’re going to PULL IT DOWN AND BURN IT HOORAY!!!

Would you pay £1000 to get married on the South Bank?

Because you can. Soon. To celebrate the year in which same sex marriage became legal, the Southbank Centre has created a Big Wedding Weekend (Saturday 30 – Sunday 31 August), as part of their Festival of Love!

 

 

All couples, gay or straight, young or old, are invited to marry or renew their vows on the stage of the Royal Festival Hall, with its world famous organ, followed by bubbly, all day dance and entertainment, an optional wedding buffet and the opportunity for you and your guests to enjoy the wonderful riverside setting at Southbank Centre.

 

This is how it works:

There will be six ceremonies over the weekend – Saturday 30 – Sunday 31 August. Saturday will have ceremonies at 11am, 1.15pm (SOLD OUT) and 3.30pm (SOLD OUT) and 5.45pm. Sunday will have ceremonies at 1.15pm and 3.30pm.
Each ceremony will last for 90 minutes and comprise of 20 couples who will all declare their vows separately in front of their family, guests and registrars.

This is followed by music, dancing and entertainment for the rest of the day and evening.

 

 

There are two packages to choose from:

 

Package One – £1000

• A 90-minute ceremony with choirs, fanfares and live music on the Royal Festival Hall stage
• A glass of  bubbly for all your guests
• Registrar
• Photographs with stunning backdrops
• 2 bouquets of flowers
• Day-time and evening  activities
• Riverside location
• 40 guests

 

Package Two – £2000

• A 90-minute ceremony with choirs, fanfares and live music on the Royal Festival Hall stage
• A glass of  bubbly  for all your guests
• Wedding buffet  (This is a cold tapas menu and a dessert and doesn’t include drink. Please see the Wedding Menu.)
• Registrar
• Photographs with stunning backdrops
• 2 bouquets of flowers
• Day-time and evening  activities
• Riverside location
• 40 guests

 

 

Book your wedding via weddings@southbankcentre.co.uk, go on!

 

 

About the Festival of Love:
Saturday 28 June 2014 – Sunday 31 August 2014

 

Over two months, Southbank Centre brings together hundreds of artists, communities and partners to create its Festival of Love. The festival, which celebrates the Same Sex Couple Act, features an exciting programme of free events, differently-themed weekends, performances, poetry, talks and pop-ups. The Thames-side site is also being transformed by several large-scale indoor and outdoor installations and artworks.

30 August – 31 August: Hackney Flea Market Goes DIY

The monthly Hackney Flea Market gets a DIY twist this month – independent creatives and vintage market stall holders are getting together in Stoke Newington to sell you their fine creations!

 

 

Everything will have a DIY Art theme, and there’ll be over 60 hand-picked independent creatives and makers, small press publishers, photographers, illustrators, DIY wear & goods makers, printers, textilers, record labels, comic folk, bookmakers, zinesters, screen printers, ceramicists, all exhibiting, and peddling their wares at some very reasonable prices!

 

 

There’ll also be DJs and BAKED GOODS.

 

 

Exhibitors include:

http://finmakesthings.tumblr.com/

http://www.darkmattergoods.bigcartel.com

http://anuambasna.com/

http://www.mpawson.demon.co.uk/

http://marcelinaamelia.ownlog.com/

http://www.wobblyrock.com

http://www.bellykids.co.uk/

http://www.eyeballcomix.co.uk/

http://hannahprebble.tumblr.com/

http://instagram.com/duvetdaysclothing

http://www.ampleplay.co.uk/index.php

http://www.sabbakhan.com

http://ziebo.tumblr.com/

http://www.cobywalsh.co.uk/

http://www.sambaldwinillustration.co.uk/

http://www.facebook.com/wellwellgoodgood

http://elliotttees.tumblr.com/

http://www.kimberleyfountain.co.uk/

http://society6.com/farfaning

http://www.joeyfourr.co.uk/

http://www.belsartworld.com/index.html

http://www.mariannamadriz.com/

http://allieoldfield.com/work/4577992317

http://cargocollective.com/georgiasawersillustration

http://www.hannahhillart.com/

http://garethbrookes.tumblr.com/

http://www.lessthanfivehundred.com/

http://www.averyhillpublishing.com

http://www.chloenorthillustration.com/

http://tinypencil.com/

http://instagram.com/davidgeeillustrations

http://felinevomitus.com/

http://www.querstret.co.uk/comics/4578765697

http://www.elenikalorkoti.com/

http://james-burgess.co.uk/

https://www.facebook.com/foxandberry

http://www.promises-promises.co.uk/

http://www.oliviabishop.com/

http://www.indestructibleenergy.com/

http://melonshrub.com/

http://www.janeillustration.co.uk/

http://design.tribambuka.co.uk/

http://www.misterpeebles.co.uk/

http://www.your-ad-here.co.uk/businesses/pixel-press

http://www.kymfitzart.co.uk/

http://sophiebarras.com/wordpress/category/illustration/

http://retromaps.tumblr.com/

http://annalieart.tumblr.com/

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/PrettyPaperDreams

http://cargocollective.com/wolfmask/Illustration

Louise Kyme

Faith Taylor

 

 

When?

30 August – 31 August

30 August at 11:00 to 31 August at 18:00

 

Where?

73a Stoke Newington Church Street,

London
N16 0AS

Tonight: The Launch of Carnival Del Kerb

Kerb’s bringing the zing and the hurgh back to Friday nights with a brand new event – Carnival Del Kerb. The new night market takes place at The Paperworks, 48-50 Newington Causeway in the heart of grisly Elephant & Castle.

 

 

What is it? 

There’ll be Kerb’s spiciest traders, brilliant music collaborations and a load of South London drink choices.

 

Think Herne Hill hero, Baba G, doing his Biryani Bar, street food’s magic man (and of nomadic status), Angus of The Everybody Love Love Jhal Muri Express, pedalling the Kolkata zing or Kimchinary adding an extra K-Town kick to those famous burritos.

 

Also ready to sizzle is new trader BBQ DREAMZ and his fearless Fillipino BBQ, South Norwood-er, Pitmaster G of Miss P’s Barbecue firing up his #BadBoyBeefRibs and our first ever jerk trader to hit the KERB. It’s taken a while but we’ve finally found the one that works a scotch bonnet like no one else – introducing Boxed Fresh, straight out of Croydon and with jerk pork galore, done on the drum.

 

Then it’s Sri Lankan heat from Kothu Kothu and family, Vietnamese twists from Bill or Beak and London’s most tropical doughnuts brought to you by the always inventive You Doughnut  girls.

 

If this isn’t making your face sweat then try the sauces on the counter of Vinn Goute‘s mobile creole kitchen – or taste how far award-winning Crabbie Shack has ramped up the heat on his soft-shell crab burgers. And at the back there, turning to his favourite repose of rogue, is the old KERB does Peckham mucker, Fleisch Mob with his flame-cooked menu: shoulder of pork, sea bream, chuck-eye steak. (Stray beyond him to the apex of The Paperworks and you’re in for an edenic treat, FYI).

 

Then if you just need to sit the hell down with a drink and some tapas, there is no one better suited than the Donostia Social Club and his pintxos bar on wheels for making this happen.

 
The music:

To warm everyone up for Carnival weekend and Carnival del KERB, it’s Love Glove and their attic full of 45s – disco, funk, motown, reggae.

 

 

The drinks: 

Four bars serving cocktails, London beers, wine, prosecco, shots – all designed to help you eat and then dance better.

 

When? 

Starts Friday 22nd August then the following three Fridays – 5pm-11pm

 

FREE ENTRY! Bring cash for food. Bars take cards.

Today – Sat 23rd Aug: Free Savoury Ice Cream in Soho

London is bored of delicious ice cream, apparently. That’s why Jacobs (of cream cracker fame) have come up with a novel idea – a savoury ice cream parlour.

 

 

That’s right, a whole ice cream parlour stocked exclusively with savoury ice cream. This three day pop-up parlour will include all the favourite Jacobs flavours (twiglets, mini cheddars etc) but in icy, melty form. There’ll also be ‘Blue Cheese & Crackers’ and ‘A Pint of Ale & a Packet of Twiglets’.

 

Are you brave enough?

 

P.S. It’s free. Tweet your pics with #snackhappy.

 

When:

Thurs 21st Aug, 7pm – 9pm,

Fri 22 Aug – Sat 23rd Aug, 2pm – 8pm

 

Located in a truck parked at:

15 Bateman Street,

Soho,

W1D 3AQ

London’s Talking Statues

Ever thought London statues were a bit… quiet?

 

 

I’m with you. And so are the people behind new project London’s Talking Statues, which launched today. Iconic statues all over London are coming to life, so lonely passers by can talk to them.

 

 

The project has been organised by Sing London, and will enable people to swipe their phones on a  tag next to statues, after which they’ll receive a call from the famous figure on the plinth.

 

 

Actors have recorded monologues by respected writers, there are loads to try. Have a quick chat with Queen Victoria in the City (as imagined by journalist Elizabeth Day) or tell Brunel all the latest gossip in Paddington (you’ll actually be talking to Hugh Bonneville, though, don’t get too excited).

 

 

Other statues on the London trail include Isaac Newton, Sherlock Holmes, Peter Pan and Dick Whittington’s cat, while the long list of contributors features names such as Jeremy Paxman, Patrick Stewart, Jacqueline Wilson, Anthony Horowitz, Jenna Louise Coleman, Frank Skinner, Simon Russell Beale, Meera Syal and Sanjeev Bhaskar.

 

You can even write the words for new statues which are yet to find a voice! Enter the London’s Talking Statues competition here. Winners’ chats will be recorded in time for Christmas. Ages I know, but it takes time to bring metal lumps to life, alright.

Want to Sleep in a Shipping Container?

Boxpark has teamed up with The Hoxton, Shoreditch to offer London’s first shipping container hotel – Hox in a Box.

 

 

The pop-up hotel is open for 10 nights only, and has been designed in the same style as The Hoxton’s rooms (i.e. very comfy indeed). There’s duck feather duvets, 300 thread count linen, home ware from Let’s Go Hme, Roberts radios and tea making facilities (obviously).

 

 

Guests also get breakfast delivered from Lyles and dinner at a local restaurant.

 

P.S. Hox in a Box rooms come without bathrooms, which I’d say was a bit of an issue. Guests will have to use to use BoxPark’s facilities or go to the real Hoxton hotel for a shower…

 

Hox in a Box is open until 23rd August

 

www.hoxtonhotels.com/blog/stay-the-night-at-boxpark-in-hox-in-a-box

World’s First Knitted Sweet Shop Now Open

London’s got a brand new corner shop, but this one’s not like the others. Created by Lucy Sparrow, this shop is entirely crafted from felt. Every single item in the world’s first knitted sweet shop has been meticulously sewn, stuffed and priced by Lucy over the past seven months to made one cuddly corner shop!

 

 

Where can you find it? I’ll give you three guesses…

 

Ready?
Yeah obviously it’s in Bethnal Green. You guessed it, I’m sure you did.

 

Its housed within what was, until recently, a disused commercial space on Wellington Row. And there’s a nice bit to the project too, 12 community making workshops, developed in collaboration with local groups, enrol the socially excluded, and non-art audiences in shared-making activities as part of the installation. A live ‘felt cam’ will stream all the events too, meaning even if you can’t be in the cornershop you can see what is going on.

Its all about building social skills and encouraging reflection on the changing politics of consumption on the high street… including, of course, the sad demise of the corner shop.

 

The installation all started with a Kickstarter campaign to raise £2,000. And now it’s open, so head over to Wellington Row for a cornershop experience like no other. You can even buy the knitted merchandise!

 

Open until Sunday 31st August

Daily from 10am to 7pm

19 Wellington Row,

London

E2 7BB

The Cornershop Blog: thecornershopblog.com

Exploring the John Lewis Roof Garden

To celebrate turning 150 years old John Lewis has opened a lovely little roof garden, at the top of its gargantuan Oxford Street store.

 

 

The rooftop is fully covered in turf, and fitted out with deck chairs, gazebos and little conservatories full of random garden objects. Even ruined radios. Everyone’s got a ruined radio knocking about in their garden, haven’t they?

 

 

You can also refuel on the roof with fresh juices and snacks from “Joe and the Juice”.

 

 

It’s all down to the work of Designer Tony Woods, who takes an innovative approach to traditional garden design by utilising British landscape features with the zeitgest of today. Planting has been carefully selected to ensure that the garden provides an abundance of colour and scent throughout John Lewis’s 150 celebrations, and gardeners from the store’s own Longstock estate also helped transform the space.

 

 

The plants are nectar-rich and include favourite plants of yesteryear, such as roses and lavender. More contemporary planting includes blocks of textural grasses, peppered with wild flowers, and living wall schemes to encourage biodiversity.

 

 

Tony Woods became the RHS Young Garden Designer of the Year 2013 for his ‘Escape to the City’ urban garden. His winning design conveyed how you can achieve tranquillity and escape, even in an urban garden. Tony is founder and owner of The Garden Club London.

 

 

John Lewis Roof Garden Opening Times: 

The John Lewis Roof Garden is accessible through the shop and open daily 10am – 4pm (Sunday 11.30am – 4pm) until 31 August .

 

John Lewis Roof Garden,
John Lewis

300 Oxford St,
London
W1A 1EX

 

johnlewis.com

Belvedere Opens Legends of the Martini Exhibition

When it comes to alcoholic tasting experiences vodka may not be the first drink that comes to mind, but premium vodka brand Belvedere are set to change all that with a new exhibition this summer – Legends of the Martini!

 

 

Opening on the 1st August 2014, Legends of the Martini is an all sensory experience exploring and celebrating the iconic cocktail. Head to the Royal Academy Senate Rooms, Burlington Gardens to enjoy a curated experience which will take you on an interactive journey through the evolution of the martini, from gin through to vodka, meeting glamorous and enigmatic characters from popular culture that have made the martini famous along the way. The experience will explore the evolution of the martini and its significance in the life of each of the legends.

 

A selection of cutting edge names in photography, set design, film and music have been commissioned to re-interpret characters or ‘legends’ from history associated with the martini.

 

 

Guests will be invited to match a list of legends including Elizabeth Taylor, Ernest Hemingway, Kate Moss and of course, perhaps most famously, James Bond, to a piece in the experience, based on one of the characters.

 

Still life photographer Jess Bonham, who has created work for likes of Kenzo, Vogue, and Twin Magazine, is working alongside set designer Gemma Tickle (Elle, GQ Style, Wallpaper*) to create a selection of still life images for six of the legends. Film maker Chris Read who has created films for Adidas, Dr. Martins and Kenzo has reinterpreted one of the legends through film and concept house band Let the Machines do the Work, who have recently toured alongside Booka Shade, have created a musical score based on one of the legends. Poet Greta Bellamacina (Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar, Tatler) has created the accompanying imaginative text and Set Designer Carrie Louise (Vogue, Another, Vanity Fair, GRAFF) has designed the exhibition.

 

Curator Tory Turk said: “The martini cocktail has had many manifestations throughout its development, and now holds a distinct image within popular culture. Its connotations evoke an invitation to a sophisticated lifestyle and Legends of the Martini opens the door into this world.

 

“From the roaring 20s, past the swinging sixties, through the 90s to the present day, it will highlight characters who have been known to enjoy a martini (or two) in their time.”

Guests also have the opportunity to purchase tickets to the accompanying tasting bar where they can sample three flights, or miniature versions of martinis on arrival, showcasing the variables of the martini including: Shaken vs. Stirred, a choice of vermouths, Wet vs. Dry and different garnishes.

 

 

The sessions that will last for an hour and fifteen minutes and will run from 5pm-10:30pm Monday- Thursday, from midday- 10:30pm Friday and Saturday and midday- 5pm on Sundays. Larger versions of guest’s preferred martini variation, alongside special martinis inspired by the legends will then be available to purchase.

 

Claire Smith, head of mixology and spirit creation at Belvedere Vodka said: “The martini is one of the world’s most iconic drinks, it is steeped with history and glamour, yet is extremely divisive. We want to demystify the drink, helping people work out which martini suits their palate and teaching them that there really is a martini to suit everyone.”

 

The curated part of experience (exclusive of the tasting session) will also be open to the public free of charge from 10am-10pm daily and a pop-up martini bar selling a selection of Belvedere martinis will also be open outside the entrance to the experience from 6pm-10pm daily (excluding Friday).

 

Belvedere Legends of the Martini Experience (includes curated experience and tasting)

Friday 1st August- Sunday 31st August

Royal Academy Senate Rooms (Burlington Street entrance)

Burlington House, Piccadilly, London W1J 0BD

Opening times: 5pm-10:30pm Monday- Thursday

Midday- 10:30pm Friday and Saturday

Midday- 5pm Sundays

 

Tickets are available from: www.belvederevodka.com/martinilegends for £15.